Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize