Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They have beer where we have blood.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
