mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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