is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ladies don't puke and tell
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
