i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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