Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
