Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
