so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
