Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
