She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
