Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
