Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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