1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
