Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wrigley field is MILF paradise
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
