my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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