Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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