so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
