you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
