non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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