Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
