Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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