I hate your face
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
