i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
