Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
