I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize