i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
