why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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