The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
