Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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