So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
