Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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