Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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