omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize