I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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