people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cockslap morals
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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