He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you didnt know i had herpes?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
