I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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