My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
