Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
