one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
