One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
