I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
