I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
