i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
