I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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