Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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