the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
