He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
