I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
