Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
