I just saw a hot homeless man
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
