i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
