glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
