covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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