i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
