we have officially lost it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
