He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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