I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
