got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
