Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he thought i was a dude.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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