Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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