I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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