Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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