i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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