you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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