Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
