Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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