Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
