Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
